Sep 22, 2016 - D Journal & Blog    No Comments

She

There was something about her that was very mysterious. People told me how difficult it was to interpret what she did and why she did it. I had heard so much about her since we were kids but something stopped us to meet every time I tried. It is a coincidence of sorts that we moved around our lives pretty much in parallel, studied, worked, loved, struggled, survived – I seemed to be the more fragile one and from what I hear, she was a strong soul. Given that our destinies seemed to be pretty similar, I always regretted not knowing her well enough and not drawing enough inspiration from her. I wasn’t good at academics in school, she was the one who always stood out from the crowd. The teacher’s favourite, always a front bencher and that’s how the school remembers her. I seemed to have finished my school pretty much in oblivion, don’t remember a large portion of my school life other than being in awe of her and her talents. College and work remained pretty much a replica of our school life but where she actually leaped ahead of me was when she was in love. I had been known to be pretty possessive and nagging in love but she was someone who was defining new meanings of love. There was something mysterious and divine in the way she loved. We all heard about how she struggled and what pains she went through but we couldn’t understand why she sustained all that pain and what made her still believe in love. Any other mortal in her place would have done what mortals normally do but she chose a different path, like every other time. I never considered her to be anyone special until I learnt about her. I heard her saying once ‘Love can never destroy me and I wont let anything or anyone make me hate being in love’. That day I decided I had to meet her and get to know her more. Enough of the hide and seek…if I like her so much, I should make an effort to see her in person. So we fixed a day and time when we would meet. I wanted to dress up in my best and look my best so I chose my favorite black kurta with sequins, teamed it with parallels and a stole. I wanted to wear a bindi too but then it was time to meet. So I rushed, opened the door and saw her under the bright mirror lights. That was the perfect time and perfect image to wear my black bindi. I met her and I promise never to stop admiring her ever again.
– Yours in Love, with Me

* This is a preface to a story I want to build. Will come back here and publish it.

Aug 3, 2015 - D Journal & Blog    No Comments

Know your alligator and kill it

I woke up with a sharp sunlight on my head and eyes – the brightness and the heat of the sun was unbearable. My eyes wide open, widened even more when I realized where I was. I looked around and saw nothing but a vast ocean in front of me. My feet feeling the prickly heat of the sand. This was definitely not Goa, I thot to myself. I have never experienced Goa like this – so deserted, so eerily calm! My eyes were readjusting to the blinding light when a loud scream startled me. I shuddered, looked around and saw nothing in the surrounding. I was hallucinating or day dreaming – this was a deserted island and I had to look for some life around me, some respite from a shade, some water. With some determination in my head, I picked myself up and started to walk when I heard the scream again – it was louder and clearer this time. Was it an animal shriek or was it a human life in danger? I started feeling a bit unsure. But on impulse, I ran towards the scream –ran as fast as the sun and sand would allow me. A few falls and a few panting ahead – there it was. It was the scariest scene I ever witnessed. With my eyes fully open, I saw a huge alligator holding my look alike in its jaws. I was shocked, stunned and amused at what I saw.

The alligator holding ME to death and I am watching it – how on earth is it possible? My feet stuck to the ground, I weighed 10 times my weight that my body refused to move. Should I save myself (really??) or should I just run for my life. My instincts told me to run, as fast, as quickly as I could… I was about to turn around when something caught my curiosity. The alligator was not moving its jaws at all, looked like it was just holding me captive, too lazy to chew on me – and the captive me, was lying idle in its mouth, not moving, not fighting or trying to escape its jaws. What on earth does that mean? Was the alligator unreal or was I enjoying being captivated, about to be killed? I had to do something – I owed this much to myself. My life with myself had been good – barring a few issues which I had to struggle with. My struggles held my happiness captive like this alligator did. And then it struck me – this is what it means…. this is what the metaphor is telling me, this is what I have to fight for. All that I had to go through was summarized in this illusion in front of me. The choice was again mine – to fight the alligator or run away. To run away was to escape and I hate the word ‘escape’ for its very personal reasons. I say when you have no choice, that’s when you take your best decisions. I gathered all my courage, my focus only on the captive me and not the alligator. With the force of my will or this overwhelming feeling of realization, I pulled open the alligator’s jaws and gave a hand to myself, to set myself free!!

Just then the doorbell rang and I woke up to a beautiful rainy morning. Has my alligator finally left me and have I killed it for good? I didn’t know but I had a queer smile on my face.

-DG

Jul 12, 2015 - D Journal & Blog    1 Comment

The Universe

I have been toddling with a question for a very long time…ever since I have noticed a strange phenomenon in my own life . Is the Universe as giving as we think it is? We ask for something and it happily gives that to you??? Going by the ever so popular phrase ‘ When you desire something with all your will, the entire Universe conspires to get it for you’, does the Universe nobly walk away after having fulfilled your wish? My question is – Does the great Universe not force you for a barter?

Think thru it and notice the shivers going down your head when you link the two. Every time you have got what you wanted, you were also forced to give up something you didn’t want to. So then, the Universe works its magic for you but it is actually YOU who has “to give some to get some” or as the say “pay a price” for your desires. That makes the Universe as mortal and as selfish as I am. Do I thank Universe for all that I receive or should I thank myself for all the price I have paid, all the sacrifices I have made, all the tears I have shed? Each of my joy accompanied by some sorrow, every bit of happiness along with its share of sadness. I say, this Universe and all the things revolving around the Universe operate around this give-take, the balance of good with bad, angel with devil, black with white, God with Satan, Love with Hate…Some of us are conscious of this balance and know the tricks of this playful Universe. The more mortals ones learn it the tearful way but eventually we do get the essence of this balance when being born is balanced by the ultimate death!! That’s the Universe’s final barter of our life…

-DG

Jul 6, 2015 - Thoughts    1 Comment

Welcome to my diaries

Dear Friend and Reader, Welcome to my virtual home…the haven of most of my thoughts. Most…yeah…I am still keeping some bit for my private consumption :-). It is my duty to caution you that this space is me, uninhibited and unaware of what anyone of think about my thoughts or my writings. You may find it good or bad but its really just me. If you like what you get, pls come back to read more…if you don’t, I wont apologise but I will feel for you 🙂 At this point, I am not even sure how often would I update this. My diary has entry on 12th March 2013 and next I opened it, it was 12th March 2014!!! You know how it goes…am hoping I will be more disciplined with all this jing bang I have done with my writing. So, lets just cheers to the thought… -Love and Joy to you, DG